Making my writing about it's purpose
The messiness of my attention toward publishing.
I'm amazed by how quickly I can make writing into an exercise in productivity. How often I try to make it BE something. Each time I sit down to write my mind wanders toward how to get something out into the world, whether it's in my newsletter, on Substack, or on Medium.
Let's forget for a moment that I don't really have a story around what each of those mediums (no pun intended) are for. For a moment, let's just focus on the production. I keep making my writing into a job. It becomes a task that must be done with the end goal being publishing. Sure, there is a part of me that dreams about my words being in front of many people. But, every time I put pen to paper with the focus of publishing, the joy vanishes. Writing feels like effort, it feels forced. It is devoid of magic and flow.
Today's piece from Kelsey Mech inspired me. I found myself longing to fall in love with writing again in the way that she describes. To focus on the joy of writing and the energy it generates. To touch the fun of it; the magic.
So what do I do? How do I get back that spark of love and joy? I turned to my journal (the one place that it's clear my writing is only for me) and asked myself this question. I wrote through the ideas and thoughts coming through until I asked myself if I could find a way to use spaces like this one in a softer way.
Aha! Softer! Turns out, this is one of my values. A while back I went through Leesa Renee Hall's Inner Border class as part of her Inner Field Trip ® community. This class approached values in a way that I've never approached them before. I loved what came through. The process led me to use the verb forms of my values as opposed to the usual noun forms. They feel more alive.
I keep coming back to these values: Soften, Deepen, Wonder, Dance. So, I wonder (ha!), how can I bring them into my writing practice?
Can I have a softer approach instead of the pushing and striving that comes with the self-imposed expectation to produce? Can I bring back the curiosity of wonder and the play of dance? And can I do all this while really deepening into the practice and into the words that want to come alive on the page?
I'm not sure yet what this looks like, but I will keep holding these values as I continue down this path: Softening, Wondering, Dancing, and Deepening. Trusting I'll find my way home.
How do you find that balance between the joy of writing and the job of writing? Share with me in the comments.