Softening into Autumn

While I don't want to rush the coming rains, this is my favorite season.

enjoying the sporadic color changing trees around the neighborhood

As I write this, it's two days until the autumnal equinox here in the northern hemisphere. I can feel fall descending. The rain has revisited us some days this week, a teaser for the winter to come. I took the dog for her walk last night and found myself sloshing around in my flip flops, making a mental note to dig out my rain shoes.

The mornings have been cooler. There's a crispness in the air that feels refreshing to breathe. I'm reaching for my sweatshirts more often, turning up the heat in the shower, and grabbing for my robe as soon as I step out.

I am more tired. No matter how much I sleep, my body does not care for waking up in the dark. I know it won't be long before my 6:30am walks with the dog will be in full dark too.

The kids have gone back to school and we are all settling into this new/old routine. The last time both kids were in school and I had more time in my days was the beginning of 2020 before lockdown. I find myself surprised by how quickly the days go by.

Autumn is my favorite season. There's a certain relief I find in turning back inside, no longer driven to make the most of the good weather. A permission to rest. The ability to embrace my introversion. I know I will miss the sun, but I've also learned to embrace the rain.

I am excited to be able to put on pants and a cozy sweatshirt. I can safely reach for the browns, blacks, deep greens, and creams in my closet that feel so much more like me than the bright colors of summer. My thighs no longer chafe under dresses and I can be less concerned about the state of my leg hairs.

My love of the season stems partly from my childhood and it's the one time of year that I dearly miss the lands I grew up on. The mountains become awash with color, children pile into school buses to visit apple orchards, and there's a rich smell of fallen leaves on the ground. Instead I'm surrounded by towering evergreens which hold their own majesty. I take the little bits of color that can be found in maples planted in yards or along roads. Most of the apples are grown on the other side of the state in the desert, alongside vineyards. I miss going to a local farm and grabbing a tart cortland off a tree.

Tuesday the 19th was Mountain Day at my alma mater. I remember the excitement of the bells ringing from the tower of my house, letting us know that classes were cancelled for the day. We would head out for hikes, apple picking, or simply to enjoy a beautiful fall day. Fall in New England has a charm that's hard to beat.

Autumn also brings my favorite foods from Thanksgivings passed. The warm spices of clove, cinnamon, allspice and the queen of them all - cardamom. The world becomes awash in pumpkin spice and my husband starts his grumbling because he doesn't care for it. In fact, he just shared this rather hilarious video with my family (warning: there is swearing and Ryan Reynolds. In case you don't care for one or the other, or both).

Autumn holds my birthday as well as my husband's. Despite being born in sunny California, fall seems to have been in my bones from the start.

There's a feeling to this season and I'm not sure I can put words to. It's witchy. It's cozy. It feels slower. It feels deeper. It is earthy and I have a strong affinity to earth. It has a certain gravitas to it that makes me feel more grounded.

Some time ago I did a values exercise in a program led by Leesa Renée Hall. I ended up taking those values and layering them on top of the seasons. I find myself revisiting that now. The word I had chosen for Fall was soften. I feel my family softening into routines, unwinding from the tightly wound and busy days of summer. I am softening back into a daily writing practice, although it often feels more like a hard wrestle than a gentle flow. But in time, I hope it will feel softer.

How about you? How are you feeling about the shift in seasons? Do you have a focus for the season this year?