The place of the wild strawberries

Considering words, writing, ancestry, and place

Photo by Susanne Jutzeler, suju-foto : https://www.pexels.com/photo/small-helix-pomatia-snail-crawling-on-grassy-ground-in-garden-4597822/

23andme says my DNA is 63.5% Swedish. While we can argue what that number really means given how people have moved about throughout history and how the dataset is primarily from folks of European descent, it does feel ballpark accurate from what I know of my ancestors. Based on what I know, the vast majority of this Swedish-ness comes from my mother's side. Both sets of great-grandparents came over from Sweden to settle in Illinois.

Swedish is the piece of my heritage I feel most connected to. It was my mother's side of the family that we lived near or visited often. I didn't know my father's side real well and the only thing I recall standing out from the melting pot of what it means to be from the US is beer-soaked bratwurst and sauerkraut. This meal I found less than appetizing and did not partake.

My maternal grandmother, however, did the most to pass along our heritage culture, primarily through foods. While she wasn't the best cook, she often made Swedish meatballs (kötbullar) and Swedish ginger cookies (pepparkakor). These foods I loved and had desire to keep alive within my own family. Some regulars in my house: Swedish meatballs, Swedish ginger cookies, Swedish sticky cake (kladdkaka), Swedish pancakes (pannkakor), cardamom bread (kardemummafläta).

The language, however, I had minimal exposure to. If much was spoken in my grandmother's home, she didn't pass much on. I recall her sharing only basics here and there like welcome (välkommen) and thank you (tak så mycket). When I came across Duolingo a few years ago, I thought it would be fun to try to learn Swedish. My Mom was learning it as well, so I had someone to discuss what I was learning with. I completed the Duolingo tree and then moved on to learning on Babbel.

I love the feel of the Swedish sounds on my tongue despite the challenge to make many of them (like sk, sj). They are so different from the French sounds I learned in school growing up. I do, however, fear speaking in front of a native and being told how awful my accent is. This fear is reminiscent of my response to my college French professor who said I had a "cute American accent." That was, sadly, the end of my career with French. Perhaps with more maturity I would respond better to feedback? Regardless, I have been motivated to work hard at the Swedish sounds.

Learning another language has a been an entry point for me into loving words. I didn't learn much of Latin stems in my schooling years, so I missed out on seeing the history of English words and where they came from. Instead, I found this in my study of French and Swedish. There are many Swedish words that I love. The word for nurse (sjuksköterska) took me quite some time to even get out of my mouth and thus became a favorite. One word that really stands out for me, however, is smultronställe.

I love the way smultronställe sounds and the way it feels coming out of my mouth. The roll of my tongue over the u, l, and r. The weight of the emphasis across the end of the word. Add to this its meaning: the place of the wild strawberries. Literal and beautiful. I want to be in this place. To sit and partake of the delicious wild strawberries. Then it's definition: "a special place, discovered, treasured, and returned to for solace and relaxation." Yes, please, thank you.

This word brings a deep longing within me for such a place. Imagine the love of place that must have been required when this word began being used in this way. Contemplating this word asks me to consider what such a place would look like for me and how I might create a hint of it in my daily life.

Words themselves are one of my treasured places. I love the worlds they can create and the energies they invoke. I'm not great with visualization. I don't see pictures in my head much when I'm reading. Hints yes, but they are always fuzzy pictures. What's most vivid for me are the energies present in a scene. It's almost more visceral than visual. Either way you experience words, I love their power to transport us in this way. I often feel transported when I'm writing my poetry and prose. I feel lifted by the energies I'm painting. My favorite poems and prose transport me to places of magic and solace. My very own smultronställe.

Thanks for reading. In case you are new here, welcome! I write about my experience in this journey called life. I’m still learning the direction my writing most wants to take. Sometimes I share my experiences, sometimes it’s poetry, other times it’s slices of story that contain metaphors for life. I love words and my hope is that mine will help you feel less alone.